i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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