so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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