hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
