im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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