Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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