oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize