tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
