Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
