Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
