I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
