I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
