Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
