the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
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I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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