Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
