i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
