shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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