if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
