I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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