my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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