So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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