we're blogging at a bar
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
