What a fucking waste of an outfit
i love accidental penises.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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