He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
