checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
