My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
