roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
