I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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