Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
