Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
