jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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