did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
