your room smells of hookers.
And success
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
