Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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