I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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