i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
