8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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