Where is the hickey?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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