i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
