Non-Jews are for practice
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just google imaged poop.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
