He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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