I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
