I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
