sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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