He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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