the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
