Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
