the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
