bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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