They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
