Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
