Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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