Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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