PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
