Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
