I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
