You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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