capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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