You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
