I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
