Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(712): View more from Iowa

I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.

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(903): View more from Texas

And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i have a food baby... i think its a boy...

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(970): View more from Colorado

Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single

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(217): View more from Illinois

the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office

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(847): View more from Illinois

There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour

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(973): View more from New Jersey

We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth

(201): View more from New Jersey

but he had pizza... so i win

(973): View more from New Jersey

I give up.

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