she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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