you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
