I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she told me i tasted like america
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
