I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
