sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
