then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize