They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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