My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
